hehe. din go fer netball... haha. veh tired lah... past few nights haf been slping very late.. & my eyes r very tired. sick & tired of crying. i cant stand it... cried in class ytd. i cldnt hold it back. nt my fault. the nite b4 i lyk cried myself 2 slp. haix. so stressed wif everything... arghy.
last nite almost had head concussion. i was sitting at the balcony eating. den dawn came out & chatted wif me... den i was telling her abt camp & our cheers... den she started saying her own cheer. but shortly after no 1 cld take it. not only no ONE. noTHING cld. the blinds above me snapped. u noe the wooden blinds... yeah. & i was juz sitting dIrectly below it loh... suddenly it juz dropped. luckily the string connected 2 the ceiling din snap. only the strings connecting the blinds. is not arh. i wont be here sia. the blinds r very heavy and if it dropped on me.. i cld get a head concussion man. veh funny leh.. i was eating & dawn was singing.. suddenly the blinds snap & we started screaming. actually i din noe wad happened lah. juz heard diz loud sound loh. den the sound scared me. so i juz screammm along wif dawn. lata den i realised it was the blinds above me. haha. gong. aiya. but kinda wishing it had dropped on me. den maybe i'll get into coma or sth. nv ever wanna wake up. aye. todae got back english grammat test. i passed! so happy... 45/70... not veh gd lah... but still im so happy... i was lyk so surprised i passed... cuz half the class failed. i was so scared i'd be one of them. thank god!
im juz trying 2 ignore everything i see. i'll hold my tongue & u'd tink i've moved on. tts how we all want it 2 be... so do i.
//i dUn noe whether to smie cuz you're my fren, or to cRy cuz tt's all you'll ever be

writtern @2:41 PM

juz fed the fishes their lunch. kinda erm late. but nw if they were hungry they cld eat the plants or sth. cuz i seldom feed them also.. cant really be bothered too.. used 2 be my dad's job anyway. bt nw i dun tink anyone feeds them. haha. feel lyk keeping my own fishes in my rm leh... haha. last sunday went 2 but 2 more koi fishes. they were small... cuz the big ones were lyk so damn exp. koi r so freaking exp can... so juz let the small fishes grow bigger under us. haha. i'll make sure it grows fat. i promise tt i will try 2 feed it as often as i can rmb to. heh. oh ya. sunday nite dawn & diane gave me the 'other parts' of my bdae present. haha. they called me 2 the balcony so they cld sing me a song & take pix -.-" lol. anw thnx gals... the gifts were nice... our pic is sho cute. haha. esp when im in the middle..makes it look even cuter. lol. jk. the handmade thingy wld be so much better & nicer w/o his name on it ya noe...did u rEally hafta put his name in it?! totally destroyed it. haha. i appreciate ur first 2 wishes... but the last 1... hmm... make it disappear!! nw im not gonna display it. or i'd juz put it behind all the rest. haha.
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
I'll tell you that But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder Or return to where we were
And when we meet
As I'm sure we will
All that was then, Will be there still
I'll let it pass And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on

I even fell for that stupid love song Yeah, yeah, since you been gone. How come I'd never hear you say, I just wanna be with you? Guess you never felt that way

writtern @4:29 PM

wah.. heartache sia... my new mp3 player... took it out fer one day & got so many scratches sia.. sob sob. my bros bought it 4 me 4 moi birthday... lauz.. got scratches lehhh!!! i took it out for the first time & diz is wad happens. sob.
todae had cathecism class in church... somehow nwadays i feel closer 2 god :) whee~ i cant wait fer Confirmation. oh yeah... saw linda mint in class todae & reminded me of the last time i saw her at NUS wen we played wif st margs. linda told achar(dunno how 2 spell her name) tt i was michelle... den achar came & ask me if i rmb her.. den i was lyk, erm.... no? until she told me she was achar. & omg. she looks so different. rEaLly.
friday i was toking 2 Jermaine... kinda of pen pal? last time stayed wif them wen we were in Canada... lost contact fer lyk years liao.. den suddenly she added me on msn wif her new acc. chatted wif her... we were toking abt some stpd & fun things we did tgt... lyk how my bro lost his 'bra' in the jaccuzi & games we played ard the hse & stuff. really furnie 2 tink abt it all nw. she's turning 15 in a few days time... & after tt she can start wearing make-up. haha. we were toking abt how different it is in canada den spore... lyk wad age ppl start putting on make up...& abt our parents not allowing us to... haha. den she told me tt ppl ther start at grade 6? tt is lyk 12 yrs? so young lohz. & their gonna sell their big BIG HUGE house!!! its lyk 8-10 times the size of my house. can u imagine?! the only most clear part of our holiday in canada tt i can rmb was their house.. it was lyk my dream hse... & their gonna sell it!!! cuz the kids change skool... & its very far away... wah liao. sad sia. wad a beautiful house. shld haf bought over it. haha.

a true fren is someone who sees the pain in ur eyes while everyone else is being fooled by the smile on ur face

writtern @7:44 PM

*yawn* i've been yawning the whole morning!! all thru tuition. haha. i was lyk darn letargic. did i spell letargic crrtly? it looks weird. ugh. my brain's still slping. -.-"
anyway haf been in camp frm wed till ytd noon. and thnx guys fer da swenson's bdae cake.. although the ice cream were kinda melting. haha. thnx alot.. love ya all...
i lovedd the camp... found it really fun... a lot of ppl said it sucked... i dunno abt u guys... but i enjoyed every single part of it. even if we had water rationing, lack of slp, & very short time 2 do our stuff & quite a boring campfire, & even though it has been the dIrTiEsT time of my life. omg. it was really the dIRRRtiest time of moi life! i missed my maid soooo much in camp. gosh. anw overall i loved the camp. yup. its was pretty cool 2 be away frm home & 2 slp wif frens & in tt kinda place. man! i love camps! it was lyk a hostel ya noe.. so cool.
the activities were fun... although im kinda afraid of heights.. i overcomed it. all the activites were fun lah. esp flying fox & abseiling. flying fox.. stoopid mr chua. always picking on me. he pushed me loh. cuz it was my bdae. kaoz. everytime pick on me de. in class also dunno how many times pick on me le. hmph. idiot. abseilling was really cool. lyk in the movies. haha. i dun tink i shld tok abt every activity bah. it not diz entry wld be lyk damn long. haa. lastly the campfire. its was pretty cool.but quite boring loh. we won the class item competition!! wheee~! haha. :) man.. i m starting 2 lurve 3H. guess the camp wont haf been fun w/o each & everyone of 3H rite... haha.
3H cheer
(the lyrics of numb encore)...wad da hell r u waiting fer...
lalalalalaa ... ... ...
1,2,3 go!
you ppl dun mess ard
becuz we're sec 3H we wanna make it clear
uh, i noe u really want to but cant stand 2 see us winning diz rite now..
dun try 2 fight wif us cuz we work as 1 & u cant bring us down...
thank god fer mom & dad fer giving birth 2 us becuz we dont noe how...(lol. i noe. X))
heyyy yaaaa.. heyy yaa...
we'll stand by you... we'll stand by you
wont let nobody hurt u
we'll stand by you
take me into ur darkest hours
& i'll nv desert you
we'll stand by you

3H is rOckin'!!!

haix. having mixed feelings nw... im really messed up. lyk. my world is spinning ard u only. & i dunno wad 2 do. i really dont... haix. thnx jie fer tt 'p.t' talk...
i dunno whether i shld let go & let u go back 2 her... i tink letting u go is betta bah.. at least i wont be selfish... den u 2 wld be happy tgt... but if u 2 dun turn out rite.. it'll all be a waste. i juz want more ppl 2 be happy... i can suffer myself... but yet if i let u go.. i'll be unfair 2 myself... i'd be letting my heart down... & i also cant bear to... but i cant keep waiting fer u...being not even 1% sure u'd be coming back. when i haf someone waiting fer me too. & im afraid 2 let anyone down... arghy. im confused. i really dunno... which 1 2 choose... the one i love or the one who loves me more & treats me betta &... haix. howwww!!! ytd i came back & dropped on my bed. wow. felt so gd. bt i was listening 2 da radio... & listening 2 tt sad song playing.. i started 2 cry... juz lyk tt. haiz. can i juz ignore everything going on?

Guess mine is not the first heart broken
My eyes are not the first to cry
I'm not the first to know
There's just no getting over you
My head is saying, "Fool, forget him."
My heart is saying, "Don't let go. Hold on till the end."
And that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you

writtern @11:22 AM

ahhh. tmr's camp!!! *wonders how im gonna survive* sigh. its on my bdae!!!! sob. hafta spend my bdae in camp. sigh sigh. hope camp wont be tt bad...i havent even packed yet... aye. ytd was valentine's dae. had netball match. argh. wad a great way 2 spend V dae. haha. bt at nite went over 2 dawn's hse... me, dawn & our 2 maids had dinner tgt.. damn fun lohz... the dinner table layout was very romantic... i took a LOT of fotos last nite.. at the garden.. i lovee the hammock. haha. at dinner i made a toast 2 the 4 of us... & i hoped dawn wld get a date first. stanley nt bad wad... at least i noe she tinks so... haha. anw it was a romantic nite. eating under the sky... & ther were roses tOo! oh shucks. wait. they arent RoSes. i dunno wad their called. dunno y i keep calling them roses. dawn wld go "fer the last time, they're nOt roses!" lol. she said tt lyk 10 times in a nite? sry my brain a bit slow lah. haha. den she gave me pArt of my bdae pressie.. poster of bae yong jun. wadeva his name is. tt winter sonata guy.. i love tt show.. bt doesnt mean im his fan mah.. haha. looks lyk i haf no choise bt 2 paste it on my wall. arghy.
aye. wanna tank u guys fer the pressies. gt 1 really unexpected pressie. u noe who u r. & i noe u'll be reading diz. oh wells. tank yew again. haha. :) i really lyk it. its very cuteeee.
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye and tell you I don't love you
It's The hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don't love you

writtern @9:08 PM

wah. tired sia. last nite slept at midnight. the guests left quite early though. but i was tired running up & down the stairs. haha. was bored mah. so i frm downstairs run up 2 chat on msn, den run down entertain guests. den run up again. lyk dunno how many times lah. gd exercise sia. lose some weight. :) ytd my godmother dropped in fer awhile. had a chat wif her. wah. she damn funkyy loh. she's lyk 40 yrs old, loves Coldplay, likes 2 paint her nails too, go 2 the gym & she's damn fit lah. she's joining some competition organised by NTU 2 climb 51 storeys of stairs. crazy? i tot so too. bt she tried. & she cld do it in 25mins. lauz. i dun tink i'll ever be able 2 climb 51 storeys! haha. she's so cool lah. young at heart. envy her sia. successfull woman. haha. her husband also veh cool. im so lucky 2 haf such cool godparents. :)
ahh. tired. feel lyk sleeping. bt hafta do chem tys. argh. todae woke up super early. dunno why. my mom was slamming the doors i tink. woke me up. haha. den whole day went out shopping fer some stuffs. oh yeah. my bros gave me my bdae present ytd... mp3 player. nt bad sia... haha. but i bet they'd want 2 borrow it too anw. lols. my bro's gf also gave me a top frm surfbabe. kinda surprised... haha.
yuck. my nails r lyk disgusting. left hand yElLoW. right hand.. erm. alternate colours. bright red & dark maroon? lols. u.g.l.y!!! yuck. im gonna get it off tonite. anw cnnt go skool in diz. too obvious liao. summore i sitting rite in front. lauz. if nt maybe can lah. aye. gtg liao. dad wanna use com. hmph.
//dun frown cos u never know who is falling in love with ur smile :)

writtern @7:52 PM

waiting fer guests 2 come... so decided 2 blog. haha. todae all my relatives frm my dad's side coming 2 our house. usual yearly cny gathering at our hse loh... but todae we gonna celebrate my bdae & my bro's tgt. since its ard the corner n my bro wld be in NS on his bdae & i wld be in camp. how sad rite. haha. wah. first time saw my house sO nEat sia. its really very neat loh. no rubbish ard.. no magazines.. no newspapers... no nth out-of-place lah basically. n the house juz looks so neat & nice. the garden also veh nice. all the tables out there. so we eat in the garden wif all the candle sticks ard. how nice. the catering food juz came. ahhhh! some eArLy relatives r here. ugh. gotta go down nw. so fasttt. cya peeps.

writtern @6:23 PM

AsH wEdNeSdAy... turn away from sin & be faithful to the gospel
aye. went back skool todae. siann. no more visiting le. quite fun lah... bt some quite boring also. yesterday was second day of cny. spent most of the day in uncle's hse. whole of my mom's side of the family was there. den all the cars parked outside the house got fined leh. lol. cny gt fine. first time sia. haha. after we left our uncle's.. we went 2 drop in our dad's frens hse. lauz. hse so big. aye. quite big lah. bt darn richh loh.. they haf lyk a collection of wines. wine cellar. cool eh. they forced the host 2 take out a gd bottle of wine... den first bottle finish liao... wen we went ther almost finishing le... drank a bit only. haiz. my mom dun let loh! den all the uncles & aunties there were lyk asking us all 2 drink.. even gave me a cup... they were abit drunk maybe? they really ask me 2 drink. new year mah. muz relax lah. bt my mom dun let me drink.. so i only drank a bit. den had 2 go hme. my parents swanted us 2 go hme first. if nt i stay ther drink more lohz. cuz the host juz took out another bottle. furnie loh. all of them bullied him.. they wanted him 2 take out the Platinum wine. which is obviously super gd & super exp. bt of cuz he dun wan lah.. so exp loh. muz be a few hundreds. after tt he took out another slim bottle of wine. he said it costs $300 loh. fer tt small bottle?! lauz. bt tt 1 he can let us drink..3oo bucks leh.. imagine wad the Platinum wine wld haf cost... $500?- 1000? woah. rich loh. anw went hme after tt. den chiong hw loh. ugh. sickening.
aye. i noe he did it on purpose. no use. it wont ever change how i feel... haha. it wont affect me.. even if its true.. so be it den! haha. gd fer u~ we've both moved on. i hope. im nt so sure of myself. haha. haiya. maybe it does affcet me a teeny weeny bit. haha. bt im trying 2 avoid banging my head against the wall. haha. calm down... calm down... phewww. haha. i shalnT let it get 2 me. haha. wAtEvA. lalala.
Notice me, Take my hand
why are we strangers when our love is strong
why carry on without me?
I make believe that you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
what have I done
you seem to move on easy
And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face,
you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby
At night I pray
that soon your face
will fade away

//nOthing you confess. can make me love you less.

writtern @5:22 PM

todae's eve of CNY. also my dad's bdae. went out 2 eat juz nw. den had ice cream cake. yum yum. wish my dad happy bdae! & happy chi new year 2 u guys too! cheers!

drank a bit of beer juz nw. haha. it was the nicest beer i've ever drank loh... frm Brewerks. nice... nt lyk tiger beer >.<

juz a pic we took by the river

Did you ever lay your head down on the shoulder of a good friend?
And then have to look away somehow?
Had to hide the way you felt for them?
Have you ever prayed the day would come you'd hear them say they feel it too?
Did you ever love somebody who never knew?

writtern @1:10 AM

Something's changed, feel so strange
Swimming through an ocean of pain
Then suddenly here's the sun
Maybe I had enough of ya,
Maybe I'm tired dreamin' of ya,
Maybe I've gotten over your goodbye by now
Baby I couldn't live without you
Now when I think about you
My eyes are dried somehow
Maybe I'm all cried out.
all cried out.

this is all consolation...crapp ...haiz. im always trying 2 make myself feel betta only... wen i say i dun feel bad, im kidding myself cuz deep inside im falling apart. wen i say i dun tink of eu anymore, its another big fat lie cuz u haunt me every nite. sometimes out of the blue tots juz come back 2 me.
btw. did u guys see the 'share a meal' poster ard skool??? see. i go good. promote our cip project summore leh. keke. anw did u see tt nice big beautiful figure rite at the centre?? =D ronald susilo!!! whahaha. he rockz... hah. u guys will hafta see him everydae ard skool. lalala... :P my idolll~!!! whaha.

I don't want to wait For our lives to be over I want to know right now What will it be
I don't want to wait For our lives to be over Will it be yes or will it be Sorry

writtern @3:37 PM

AHHHHH.

AMATH IS DRIVING ME NUTS!

i dont get logarithms. dead. im so dead. im so gonna get retained diz yr. haiz. juz had amath tuition... & the tcr teach so many times i still get confused. shucks. den he give so much hw summore... lauz. stressed. suddenly broke down juz nw after the tcr left. im so freaking stressed up. ugh. stressed wif everything. depression is getting me. and i juz tink abt everything.. and i tink abt eu. wen i saw wad i saw. i felt... sad. bt ther's nth i can do also. maybe im over sensitive & paranoid. & maybe i dont really wanna do anything anyway. maybe we can never be. lols. maybe u'd be happier. lols. oh wells. be contented :) im AM contented. it only depends on whether i'd be happier wif eu. hahaha. stoopid me.
ive learnt 2 be happy. though i cried. im not gonna lament. im not gonna complain 2 others cuz if i do.. ppl dun really lyk it. one gd example: lwl. lols. he always scold me de. haha. anw i've been reading "being a happy teenager" ytd. haha. & i've learnt a lot of things. esp on looking at the bright side of things. hehe :) & im even helping cleff wif his prob.. which is a bit the same as mine. so if i can try 2 console him. it proves tt i can look on the bright side of things myself. haha. *smiles* i was sitting at the garden ytd reading.... den these 2 small young gurls were riding their scooter up the hill... den they were lafing & rode pass my hse... cuz my hse was almost at the end of the rd.. so they made a u-turn. den wen they rode pass my hse again. they stopped. & stuck out their tongue & went "bleahh!". LOL. SO CUTE!!! i dun even noe them or saw them b4.. muz be frm ard the estate. haha. they ate some sweets tt made their whole mouth blue. & they were showing off 2 me. haha. tink they were trying 2 'scare' me. haha. they're lyk so sweet! they stopped 2 tok 2 me a bit.. den i juz played along loh.. den said they were scary... & nice teeth. wardeva. haha. they're soo cuteee. its lyk im being enlightened by "being a happy teenager" b4 wen i was down & its lyk god sent these 2 young cheerful, carefree & innocent gurls past me. it suddenly struck me tt i can be as happy as them. & seeing them so happy... it really lifted my heart.. wen they left.. i was smiling 2 myself.. really.. & lafing 2 myself.. abt these 2 small gals. which lighted up my dae. haha. so everyone out ther... hope u can keep smiling too! =)

never put ur life on hold for anybody. live ur life in the present. stay busy. dont hold ur breath for anybody or anything.

writtern @1:25 PM

ahhh!!!! stressedddd!!! im soo gonna fail Amaths. ugh. todae has been a long day... damn tired sia.. feel lyk slping.. bt juz ate lunch nt long ago.. so cnnt... todae had extra amath lesson loh.. den after tt gt geog test... todae had 3 tests loh.. eng compre & emath & geog. ugh.
haix. i was juz reading it again n realised tt i din do wad he wanted me 2 do fer him... why do i haf short term memory??? ugh. hate it. y cldnt i rmb it... haiz. i dun tink i'll ever get 2 do it nxt time. haix. and u'd probably be the only 1 i wanna do it fer. haix. i always wunder. how come we've nv been. although we both wanted it. but deep inside i noe why. its all moi fault. fer being so dumb n stoopid. fer being so stubborn. i feel tt things arent the same anymore... ugh. of cuz it cant be.. rIte.. y am i so dumb. it can nv be the same __as long as the key 2 my heart has not been returned. aye. aNyWay. wads done cant be un-done. o wellx. im gonna close my eyes & rest fer awhile... really cnnt open le.. & so much hw summore.. ugh. bye...
would u ever do it fer me?

writtern @4:56 PM

feel so gOod todae! dunno y... juz quite high... blasting the music frm the com... "you make me wanna LALA!" *screams* haha.
hmm... last saturday had 2 go back 2 church 4 a retreat lah. diz yr our confirmation yr!! yeahhh!!! so anyway... the teacher made us play lame games... lyk using our 4 senses & guess items... had 2 taste some sauce & jam & peanut butter.... den hear touch feel. lame loh. den after tt we had a debate boys against gals. the debate was lyk useless... dunno wad fer also... den the guys anyhow come out wif dunno wad ideas... quite furnie lah. den we keep cutting into each other's arguments.. nt letting each other speak. haha. den we had rOlE pLaYing. which is stoopid. my grp had 2 play a family going 2 church. which is lyk.. nth much 2 act out?! bt it was furnie lah.. thnx 2 the jokers... & mark was furnie.. he was the wife & another guy 'her' husband... & he changed his voice lah. mark's veh furnie... new fren... he's frm the saturday class wif jia yu.. den we had 2 do some grp work.. ans some qns... den ther was diz qn abt 'the risks of being a christian' den we were desperate fer points.. so i juz said "we cant haf AHEM b4 marriage... or premarital AHEM* nt tts its a RISK lah.. lol. den mark said i was childish & immatured... he said im 14 yrs old liao... say SE*. s*x! haha. den we were lyk lafing lyk siao.. haha. sick! he's veh frenly n outgoing lah.. easy 2 communicate wif... den after tt few hrs we attended the sunset mass... had the convenant ritual. we had 2 go up 2 the altar wen singing the 'our father'. den all the little kids also came up after us... cuz we big size mah.. den they only small small little cute cute kids.. so they were hiding.. they cldnt come in front. whereas i was rite in front of the priest :) haha. anw den thruout the singing & the joining hands.. the kids were wiggling & trying 2 squeeze 2 the front inbetween us & under our hands... haha. den these 3 boys tried 2 squeeze thru me & my fren lah... den the boy in front did nt wan 2 move up.. bt the other 2 were pushing & trying 2 wiggle 2 the front... den they kept moving & it was so tickleish. den there was diz small ang moh gal standing at the ther side.. she was wearing a cheong sam! soo cuteee!!! the kids were all so cute. haha. overall the day was fun lah.. although it took up my whole afternoon.
yesh!! we won queenstown ytd! hahaha. maybe tts wad lifted my spirits. keke. the score was 30-6 i tink. haha. the nxt match on valentine's day against st margs. uh-oh.
aye. tonite gt physics tuition. sian-ed. veh tired leh. bt todae so shuang.. veh little hw.. den so long nv really touched the comupter fer a few hrs... so todae muz play until i shuang. haha. aye.
haha. my bro rushing thru wif his gf's anniversary present.. he's lyk so mean.. din get anything prepared or a gift even! so bad rite!! lauz. lata the gf angry sia... he told me last nite.. den he lyk heck care lyk tt loh.. nt jing zhang de... den i here so anxious fer him loh... haha. maybe he acting cool only.. bt inside he damn scared. i gave him a few suggestions bt they were kinda lame. haha.
shall stop here le... cya peeps!

haf u ever wondered which hurts the most;
saying sOmEthing and wishing u had not, or saying nOThing and wishing u had?
if you love someone... let them noe todae. fer u wont noe if tmr will ever come... ...life is unpredictable

writtern @3:25 PM